Bon Voyage wa Nihongo de nan desu ka?
by Akasora-senpai
Summary: An eating contest's first prize is in Genma's hand, and it's, voila, a trip for seven to China on the S.S Tipton luxury ship. Loads of troubles, gags and new friends await the Tendo and Saotome families on board!
1. Prologue

**A/N: 1. The title means: "What is 'Bon Voyage' in Japanese?". I was going to rewrite the title in English, but of course nothing suits an anime fanfiction than Japanese.**

**2. My writing skills are steadily improving, I can tell because the earlier works I post here sucks like hell while the later ones are a lot better. But I've always had a wacky brain with hell lots of unique ideas, so instead of deleting the earlier stories with sucky writing but amazing ideas and plots away from my account, I decided to go back and rewrite them, starting with this story, one chapter by one.**

* * *

><p><em>8:00 PM<em>

_Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, not very far from Japan._

First of all, good morning diary. As you know, I'm Tendo Akane, the youngest daughter of Tendo Soun and sister of Kasumi and Nabiki, but I'll stop bothering you with boring facts that you have known too well; after all, I bought you two years ago. The story I'm about to tell you today is a very, _very _interesting one. Well, it's not that I'm too... interested in this whatsoever. Okay, I'll stop waffling now. You see, we're in the middle of the sea. On a luxury cruise ship. And not just any ship, the famous _S.S Tipton_ too. Surprising huh? Of course, there must be a way for a poor family- _two _poor families like us to even place a foot onto the floor of this ship. No no, we didn't _sneak _onto this boat to try and kill off a wealthy big fat Chinese man, neither did we get lost in Canada and magically offered a free trip home or anything - those reasons are just too ridiculous even for a wacky Kung-Fu-Karate-Is-It-Even-Martial-Arts family like the Tendos and the Saotomes. We boarded the ship like ordinary, _normal _customers. We brought luggage and _tickets _and everything. We entered the ship via the _main entrance_, yada yada yada. But, just how can a poor- _two _poor families end up on the world-famous luxury cruise ship, and where are we planning to go to?

I'll leave those two questions for later, because I suppose you'd like to know what happened earlier this morning.

* * *

><p><em>5:00 AM<em>

_Nerima, Tokyo prefecture._

_Tendo household._

_Living-room._

Aaaahh, as if I wasn't upset enough for being waken up without a legitimate reason at 3:00 AM already! We have planned carefully that today we would all wake up at 5:00 AM to prepare and check the luggage for the final time, and then we would take the train to the harbor - Nabiki said days ago when she bought train tickets that _a lot _of her and the family's saving would vanish into thin air because we would have to take the _shinkansen_ if we expect to arrive on time (who said that the pride of Japan is ever cheap?). But guess who changed the plan a _little _bit at the last minute? The sun hadn't even risen yet but two certain old men, _I mean _one old man and one old panda, was already marching around the house banging the gong chanting over and over "We're going to China, we're going to China..." according to the tune of "pop goes the weasel". At 3:00 AM. And then Kasumi decided that it's _better _to prepare stuff right then instead of trying to go back to sleep and _complete 8 hours of sleeping_, in other words:_ be healthy_, so...

I hadn't even had breakfast.

"Is your baggage ready yet?" – Kasumi's gentle voice pulled me straight out of my dreaminess. I barely even realized that my head was buried in the pile of clothes and the entire lower half of my body was sticking up in an awkward position. How embarrassing.

"Yes." - No - "Well, I can't find my... yukata..." – smiling, she handed me a neatly folded light blue and chrysanthemum patterned article of traditional summer clothing, along with a neatly folded _obi _and neatly tied _himo _string to suit. Never mind - "and swimsuits..." - okay?... - "and underwear..." - What. The. Heeeeell?!

"Aaahh… Sweeeeeeeet!"

It wasn't long before I heard violent bouncing sounds against the wooden floorboards of the hallway, the pounding wasn't strong enough to break the floor, the noise was followed by a string of incomprehensible screams. I had come to recognize those sounds...

"Grandfather… Are those… MY panties and swimsuit?" – I knew it. I mean, why can't he give up that perverted habit? Why couldn't he give us a rest? I knew that it was going to be hours before the train's departure, but I still had to say that that was wasting too much of my time. And patience.

"Ha, I remember I took the yukata as well! Anyways, sorry Akane, but these are mine! Mine mine mine! They will look good on Ranma!" – he hadn't even heard a word I said. Even if you point a gun at his forehead his attitude won't budge anyway.

Normally I would soon be joining him and running behind him rapidly with a _shinai _sword, or a giant Viking-size hammer, or a jumbo wok, or anything within the grasp of my hand. But then I was too exhausted to mind.

"What a lecher..." - muttering, I collapsed into the pile of unsorted sewn fabrics again.

"Don't be mad, Akane." – Said Kasumi as she gave that angelic smile of hers and gently fixed me into an acceptable sitting position – "I'll buy you new ones right away, okay?"

Very intelligent, nee-chan, _very _intelligent. Then again it was going to take ages before the train left and the clothes store was just minutes away from our home travelling by bike. But sure enough, the chance of having a clothes store on the ship is nearly 0%.

"I have decided." – clenching my hands into fists, I said. – "That we should leave grandfather alone at home."

Milliseconds later, I clearly heard steady, strong stepping sounds going inside of the room, followed by the noise of the _shoji _door swiftly sliding closed. Ranma threw himself down onto the wooden floor, sighing heavily.

"We always do that. And somehow he still sneaks his way to us! That old geezer..."

I hate Grandfather, but Ranma hates him even more. As much as our personality differ and we argue often, we actually have something in common. Abused by an old goat. And I feel kind of... _sorry _for Ran...

Wait!

Did I just say I feel _sorry _for him?

No no no, there's no way I would feel _that _way towards a perverted scum like him!

"As soon as we find him on the ship, I'll throw him overboard." – my teeth began to squeeze against each other and make headache-inducing sounds. My blood began to boil; at times like this, I know I don't have the ability to control my tongue anymore - "And maybe you too, Ranma, if you dare to mess with me!"

"Heh, who'd wanna mess with a rude clumsy brick-built tomboy like ya?"

I don't want to continue telling you from here 'cause it's still kind of... embarrassing every time I think about it. Just think about it like this: it ended like a terrible comedy movie with the heroine chasing the hero around the house screaming at the very top of her lung "YOU IDIOT RANMAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

><p>Okay, so now I shall answer the two above questions. One, about a week ago, Ranma's father won in an eating contest (if he couldn't win it then who could?). The grand prize was a free trip for seven to China on the S.S Tipton. Two, well, if it's not to that certain neighboring country then Saotome-jii-san would have never taken part in that damn contest in the first place. I said that I'm not really interested in this, but actually I'm... I'm <em>overjoyed<em>. Finally, we can enjoy our summer vacation without being chased all the way to Niigata (what the hell, actually last month we ended up in _Hiroshima_ thanks to those two Chinese idiots. That place is famous for its okonomiyaki, but still!) by nut-jobs and Ranma's "reluctant fiancées". I'm overjoyed, but the two cursed member of our family are _over-overjoyed_. "No more 'pigtailed girl', no more panda, Jusenkyo, Jusenkyo, here we come…" they've been torturing my innocent ears with that melody for hours!

But, I think the best reason for me to be happy is that it has been nearly a _year _before we actually get to go somewhere (that trip to Hiroshima _doesn't count!_). A great way to relax, forget our problems and get rid of Ranma and Saotome-jii-san's curse for good. Yay.

Oh, it's bedtime. I have to stop writing for now.

Love,

Tendo Akane.

P/S: Oops, I think I've left P-chan at home.

**End of chapter 1.**


	2. Amazons on Board

_8:00 PM_

_Still on the S.S Tipton._

Dear diary...

* * *

><p><em>7:00 AM<em>

_If we're not on the S.S Tipton ship then where are we? Hiroshima?_

_In my and my sister's cabin_

Everything went well. My sisters and I was in the room trying to slip into clothes that are comfortable enough until I heard knocks on the door. I ignored it. There came knocks again. Ignored. Knocks.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO DISTURB ME AT THIS HOUR?" - shouting, I nearly ripped the yellow T-shirt in my hands apart. My sisters almost turned into rocks.

"Hey Akane! Are you up yet?" – It was a strikingly familiar male voice, talking in a ridiculously weird accent.

"You pervert Ranma, do you know I'm up way before you?" - crackling my fist and gritting my teeth, I tried to keep my volume as low as possible - "Get out! I'm changing! If you don't go away, I'll throw you off the ship!" – I didn't even realize I was already shouting. Well, you'll _have _to lose your patience when an annoying-lazy-jerk-who-wakes-up-late is about to enter when you're _getting dressed_.

"Come on Akane… Hurry up and go have breakfast with me! I'm starving!" – Said Ranma. I was about to give him a peace of my mind screaming my lungs out that he could go and have breakfast alone, but then again _I _was the one who kept everyone's restaurant breakfast tickets (nobody _assigned_ me the job, I volunteered for it myself. Of course, my dad, Mr. Saotome and that idiot - people who knew martial arts - could have _accidentally _thrown them into the sea within milliseconds, Nabiki could pretty much exchange all of them for money within the blink of an eye and Kasumi, well, she has to keep too much already).

"Aiya! Ranma no have breakfast with Akane! I have ramen for Ranma!" – another, even _more _creepily familiar, squeaky and overly sweet voice sounds from behind the door.

"Akane! Hurry up!" – There came Ranma's voice again, screaming like it was the end of the world, strangled. Having finally finished changing into comfortable enough clothing, I slam opened the door and a rather unsightly scene hit my eyes: a purple-haired, sixteen-year-old female squeezing the crap out of a sixteen-year-old pigtailed boy.

"Sh… Shampoo? How did you get onto this ship?" – the only thing I could do was to freeze right there, eyes wide opened and felt like they were going to pop out of my eye holes.

"Aiya! How slow you think me is? I run from Nerima to here! Shampoo want seeing Ranma!"

"You two…" – My eyes didn't feel like they were going to fall out and bounce all over the place anymore; instead, they were all filled with hot lava. – "DIE!"

Like catching lightning, I grabbed the two of them and ran towards the nearest window and...

Pretty much...

Well...

Threwthemoverboardcoughcough.

"It feels great to throw stupid people into the sea!" – Satisfied, I shouted and... yeah... _stuck a thumb-up _out of the window.

"Aaaaahhhh! What's the big idea, Akane? AAAAAA! I really love cats! Akane! Akane! Somebody help me!" – the red-haired big-boobed girl out there was desperately screaming while floating in the middle of the water with a pink cat that wouldn't stop scratching her face.

"You didn't have to go that far, Akane..." - touching my shoulder gently (she's _always _gentle. Cooking, sewing, cleaning... she does everything in that elegantly gentle way of hers), Kasumi gave a lovably concerned look along with her eyebrows coming a little bit closer to each other.

* * *

><p><em>8:00 AM.<em>

_In the S.S Tipton's dining room (If we don't have breakfast here then where do we? Under the Japan Sea? But wait... Ranma and Shampoo pretty much _had _to have breakfast there at the time so... never mind...)_

"Shampoo! How I've searched the whole Japan for you!" – Urrgh... as if... I wasn't... angry... enough... anyway! Some long-haired guy in white with green eyes was _hugging _me. Gahh... I was there for breakfast, _not _to get suffocated (in an embarrassing way)!

"Put your glasses on, Mousse!" – A gnome-sized old woman with long white hair whacks him on the head with her wooden staff. – "Don't you feel that it is very, very embarrassing to hug someone in a public place?"

"Oh my! So you're not Shampoo? Where is she?" – releasing me - thanks God, or thanks Cologne-baa-san! - the idiotic-annoying-Chinese-dude-whom-you-already-know put on his gigantic glasses and stared at me for a while.

"I threw her overboard." – I gave a short, tsundere-kind-of-answer before resting my face onto the white table cloth.

"What? Akane, why would you do such a thing?" – Surprised, Mousse flied (he can do that without his wings) at a frightening speed towards the large, opened window and saw Ranma and the cat were still trying their ass off to swim to the ship. The stupid "romantic hero" screamed as if he were Romeo or something: "I'm coming to rescue you, my love Shampoo!" and then what happened? Luckily people weren't looking out of the window at the time, or else the tragically cursed Romeo could have been captured and turned into a Beijing roasted duck dish.

"Stupid!" – Running out of angry words to shout at the three, I quickly took Cologne's staff and held one end out of the window, so the three (I mean two, because Mousse could fly anyway) could grab on and climb back up.

"All right. Now we need some hot water…" – I looked around the dining room. It's summer so it's unlikely that the restaurant would serve hot drinks. I instantly thought about the piping hot soup we've just had, but they had run out of it already and was currently cooking a new batch. There it was... I found a whole, full pitcher of hot tea on the buffet table. Lifting the heavy liquid container, I opened the cover and turned the pitcher upside down.

"Man again." – said Ranma. _He didn't even thank me_. – "Good news, everyone. This ship is going to China. Soon, we can finally cure our curse!"

They (Shampoo and Mousse) didn't jump all over the place, or make surprised faces, or anything. Waving her hand in a "I'm a sexy lady so whatever" way, the purple-haired slut giggled. How I _hate _her giggle. "Shampoo already know it! I here not only for cure, but also for Ranma!"

Yayyy...

"I believe you're one of the seven VIP guests of this ship, but I have to talk to you." – all of a sudden, I felt a big, rough hand placing on my shoulder. It belonged to a strange black and bald man in vest, his height pretty much doubled mine, towering me like a fearsome monster. He stared at me with his fiery eyes, causing a violent shiver to race down my back and a scarily cold feeling to overwhelm my senses. – "You may think I'm a grouchy weak old man, but beware! I'm only forty-three, and I have eagle eyes! Thanks to that, I was able to see someone threw people overboard, and that person must have been you, right, Violent Lady?"

**End of chapter 2.**

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><p><strong>AN: Akane's writing a diary not because she secretly has "girly" hobbies, it's because, according to my Japanese teacher, it's what Japanese people often do, no matter if they're male or female. They write diaries at night before bedtime, about what has happened throughout the day. Correct me if I'm wrong.  
><strong>


	3. Tourist Attraction much?

**Author's note:**** Okay, this is typically episode 2 of TSLOD with Ranma characters in it. Some details are a bit changed since I don't remember much about the episode. And, I know that the episode was set during the school year, but I made it during the summer vacation. Just don't mind and enjoy the story.**

7:30 AM.

The man I've met yesterday was Mr. Marion Moseby. He is the strict hotel manager, and he won't ease up on hooligans. I know it, because yesterday, he punished me (for causing serious trouble – throwing people overboard) by making me clean the whole Sky Deck at midnight.

I swore to remember it for the rest of my life. And I swore that I'll never throw someone else overboard when I travel on a ship or boat. Well… I just accidentally pushed that _moron _Ranma Saotome off the ship earlier this morning for peeping at me _again_… just, don't mind me.

Okay, let's change the topic. Do you know what happened last night? The richest girl in the world, London Tipton, escaped the ship on a helicopter to the Parrot island. Now the ship is heading toward it.

8:00 AM. I, Ranma, my sisters, my father, Mr. Saotome, Shampoo, Mousse, Cologne and some sea school students will head out to the island when the ship approaches it. Miss Tutweiller will be the guide.

Right now, the ship is near the island. We went out to the balcony.

_ Now, students, you may take a look at the beautiful Parrot island! – Mr Tutweiller says. The "beautiful" Parrot island turns out to be a deserted island. By "deserted" I mean deserted. It looks like a desert.

_ Oh! It's like a forest fire destroyed it! – Kasumi covers her mouth.

_ Totally! – I reply. – Who would do such a thing?

_ I read from a newspaper that London Tipton's father, Mr. Tipton chopped off all the trees on this island, turning it into an abandoned place. It used to be a tourist attraction. – Nabiki explains.

oOo

A few moments later, on the Parrot island.

_ Students, please enjoy the beauty of this island which is a famous tourist attraction. – Says Miss Tutweiller. We stare at her for a few seconds.

_ Or it was. Now, we have to look for our missing student. Let's split into group.

_ I wanna team up with you, Shampoooooo! – Mousse is somehow going crazy and hug the old Amazon woman.

_ Mousse go team up with Cologne. Shampoo no want go with stupid Mousse! – Shampoo yells at his face and walks away.

_ I'll go with my sisters. – I yell. At the same time, I see a pair of twin fighting over a really pretty girl.

_ Hi guys. – I come over, trying to squeeze some English out of my mouth. – What are you doing?

The boys don't seem to hear a word I said. They keep pulling the girl left and right, left and then right.

_ Hey! – I yell. – Are you listening to me?

_ Oh, hi. – One of the twins turns around to face me. – What's your name? Are you new here?

_ Yes I am. I'm Akane Tendō. I'm from Japan. Nice to meet you. – I hold my right hand out and shake his hand.

_ I am Zack Martin. The girl standing next to me is Bailey Pickett. The boy standing next to her is my identical twin, Cody Martin. – He replies, then leans over to his brother. – Hey Cody, do you think that she is single?

_ I don't know. I thought you said that Bailey is your favorite? – Cody replies. Zack turns around and moves his sight around my body.

_ Second thought. – He starts. – Akina is too short. And besides, she looks too macho. I want a really pretty girl with long smooth legs and her hair flowing in the wind!

_ First of all, my name is Akane. – My anger starts to raise. – And second…

HOW DARE YOU CALL ME MACHO? – I shout loudly while kicking both of the twins into the sky.

_ Oh dear. You are SO super girl – Bailey Pickett seems to be really wowed after that performance. – Did you get martial arts training somewhere?

_ My house has a dojo. – I reply.

_ My old house in Kettlecorn has a dojo too. My grandmother does kung fu. Last summer when she and our pigs practiced in that dojo, she often toss them through the roof. I was very exciting.

I and Bailey talk for a while. After that, Zack and Cody crawl back.

_ Bailey, who are you gonna team up with? – Asks Zack.

_ I'll go with Woody. – She says.

_ Bailey likes Woodsman! – Woody replies and the two of them walks away.

_ Akane. – Zack stares at me and starts babbling. – Sorry for calling you macho. I need a hot girl to team up with me. So, what do you say, best friend? Are we a team?

_ Maybe I'll team up with Ranma and my sisters. – I reply and follow my team.

_ Ooh, how dare that PIGtailed boy have that girl… – Zack murmurs. – I will revenge!

oOo

_ Greaaaat. – Nabiki spouts. – Now we're trapped in here, with the richest and most spoiled girl in the world!

_ I need to get out of here! I haven't change my clothes for four hours! – London says in panic.

_ I wonder if Ranma was okay… – Kasumi seems to be very worried.

_ It's no use crying and complaining, ladies. – Mr. Simms who is sitting outside of the prison's cell says. – You are involved to the island's deforestation, and you must take your responsibility!

_ You must be kidding me. – I say. – You may lock London Tipton here, but you have no rights to imprison my family! We are just innocent Japaneses! We don't have anything to do with this… deserted island!

_ If you want to explain, just see the judge. – The man replies.

_ Good. Where is he? – I ask.

_ Here he is. – Mr. Simms says after putting on a white wig.

_ I told you, Akane. – Bailey says. – It's no use arguing with him.

_ Maybe I'll scare him with my burst! – Says Woody.

We stare at him for a long moment.

_ Dang it! – He taps his forehead.

_ Everyone! – Mr. Moseby enters the prison. – I'm here to rescue you! Mr. Whatever I call you, can you open the cell's door?

_ No problem! – Mr. Simms says. He takes the key, opens the door, lets Mr. Moseby in and locks it before anyone could get out.

_ Saotome-kun, this is bad… – My father cries. – Our lives have no meaning without pork buns! – Mr. Saotome (in panda form) nods his head.

This is not fair. I mean, I have been imprisoned for dozens of time in my life since Ranma appeared in my life, however, this time, it's for a complete nonsense reason. I have nothing to do with that airheaded spoiled wealthy brat! Then why, why am I locked up? Along with my sister, Bailey Pickett, Woody and Mr. Moseby, the ones that are absolutely innocent? This is unfair. Way too unfair.

The ship howls from a distance away. It means… Oh no! Ten minutes until it leaves!

If we don't get out of here soon, we'll be locked up forever!

_ Don't worry. Zack, Cody, Ranma and the three… Amazons, like Akane calls them, are probably in no harm. I will ask Porkers to deliver our message. – Bailey comes up with an idea. She quickly turns to her pig which she calls "Porkers" and speaks something to him.

While waiting for the six of them to arrive, I talk to Bailey for a while.

_ Akane. – She starts first. – One of those… Junky-joku (Joketsuzoku) as you called… is named Mousse, right? Well, I once had a boyfriend with his name pronounces just the same way! I hang out with him ever since I was a little girl.

_ Okay. – I say.

_ I still remember how he first shared his corn with me… He stared at my eyes after each bite and we kissed after the last bite! And how he by coincidence touched my hands when we milked the cows together! And, the thing I remember the most is when he played my favorite song on the guitar at my 14th birthday! He was the sweetest guy I've ever met!

After that, she cries for a while.

_ You must've loved him so much. – I say.

_ We broke up a month ago. – She replies. - Do you have a boyfriend?

_ No. I only have a stupid airheaded useless crazy perverted BAKA in my house.

At the same time, Mr. Moseby stands on Woody's back to look outside the cell's window. He yells:

_ Look! They are here! The annoying mischievous troublesome crazy uneducated twins and the four foreigners are here!

_ Mr. Moseby. – Woody says. – If you just stand there for fun, you can absolutely get off my back! How come you're so heavy?

_ We're here to rescue you guys. – Says Zack. – Okay, Cody, lift me up!

_ You're way heavier than I am! You have to lift me up! – Cody replies.

_ You do! Because I was born before you!

_ Hey hey hey! If you don't stop arguing, you're gonna taste my fury! – I say to them in my most furious voice.

_ You two don't have to worry. I'm the tallest here. I can reach for the bars. – Says Mousse. – Oh! These bars are quite loose! We can break these with…

_ Some acid? – A man gives him a bottle of clear-colored liquid. It must be acid sulfuric (H2SO4) a deadly chemical that can destroy even metal.

Mousse turns around to face the man.

Then gets panicked.

That's Mr. Simms!

oOo

_ Which part of "rescue" don't you understand? – Asks London.

_ Both! Rescuer and rescuing! – Answers Mr. Moseby.

_ Ranma, honestly! How stupid can you get? – I ask the pigtailed boy standing next to me.

_ How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? – He replies.

_ Would you guys shut up for a moment? – Says Mr. Simms. – I have to teach you guys a lesson for deforesting the island! All of the parrots ran away to Seal island and now it is Seal AND Parrot island!

_ Where is the judge? I want him to release us right now! – Says Mr. Moseby.

_ The judge is here! – Mr. Simms quickly put on his white wig.

_ Okay, you sell pies, drive the taxi, you are a police officer… – Says Mr. Moseby. Again.

_ Math teacher, artist, street cleaner, Judo master… – Mr. Simms continues.

_ Okay. We get it. Is there any job on this island that you don't do?

_ I don't sell hats. He earns a lot of money. I'm jealous of Mad Hatter.

After that, Mr. Simms falls asleep faster than we could imagine.

_ Okay, Mr. Simms fell asleep. Porkers can sneak out through the bars. He'll get the keys for us. Hey Porkers, can you go to those drawers?

_ Oh, and can you get me a cup of latte too? – Asks London when Porkers reaches the drawers.

_ Hey look! Bailey is in here too! – Cody whispers into his brother's ear.

_ I know. – Zack says.

_ We have to decide like men.

_ How about a spitting contest?

I have to close my eyes right now, because they're gonna spit right in front of ladies. The most impolite "gentlemen" I've ever met.

_ Wow, wow, wait up. You're deciding who has the lady with a spitting contest? That's the kind of childish I'm talking about. While you two were outside, Bailey told me how she had fun with her boyfriend back at her old home, how they shared almost everything with each other…

_ How do you know? – Zack is even bothered to ask.

_ When you're in jail, you'll get to know much more.

_ Absolutely true. Besides, how can you fall in love with girls if you don't even care about them? – I say.

_ You can have Bailey, Cody. She's all yours. – Says Zack.

_ Really?

_ Yeah. She has too much luggage. I like a babe who just carries on, like Akayla over there… – Zack glances at me. – Do you think she's hot?... Nah, I changed my mind. I want someone less macho than her.

After I heard such words shooting out of his mouth, I lose my temper as usual. For a while, the English language suddenly leaves my brain without leaving any words behind. I shout very loudly:

"ZAKKU NO BAKA!" (Zack you stupid!)

and shoot him through the cell's ceiling, leaving a giant hole there.

_ Huh. I guess we don't need a key any more. – Says Bailey, and then she calls Porkers to come to her. The whole group, one by one (except Zack, because he's outside already) go through the hole on the ceiling.

_ Wait a minute! My latte!... – The last passenger, London, yells. Luckily we pulled her away before she could wake up Mr. Simms.

oOo

The S.S Tipton ship howls again, like trying to etch a message into us adventurer's heart. Well, it is, and the message is THE SHIP IS LEAVING IN 5 MINUTES!

London suddenly stops at a postcard stand.

_ Hey, look at this! – Says London when she picks up a postcard.

_ I couldn't imagine that this island were this good. – Says Bailey. – The act of your father destroyed the beauty of it.

_ Now what am I supposed to do?

_ Spend your money on planting trees on the island again! The natives will be very grateful that they'll have your face on their coins!

_ Great! Then I can flip myself to decide which shoes I should wear!

_ Wait up there, people! – A fat man in black shirt and black shorts appears. – You are surrounded!

_ By only you? – Says Woody.

_ Pretty much.

_ Hey, Mr Bubbles. – London whips out a pink check from her pink purse. (Aw man. I think this girl is pink to the brain). – I give you money to replant this island again. Oh, and feel free to buy yourself a pair of long pants.

And we ran away safely to the S.S Tipton.

oOo

The next day, at the S.S Tipton's outdoor deck.

_ Akane, look at this. – Says Mr. Tipton as he gives his newspaper to me. – The Parrot island is replanted. Some of the parrots returned to it. Oh, and they also have a big public bathhouse there to welcome Japanese guests! Huh, I guess only pigs and old gramps would be interested in it.

_ Interesting… – I say.

_ Oh, sweet! A public bathhouse! There must be a lot of young girls there! How can I get there? I wanna meet them! – Some strange voice sounds above my head. I pull that person down to face me and Voila!...

_ Granfather Happosai? – I ask. – How did you get here?

_ I snuck into Nabiki's suitcase! – He says.

_ See, I told ya. Somehow he can still snuck HIS way to us! – Ranma says as he comes across.

_ Hey, Ranma. – I call him. – Can you do this with me…

oOo

_ Goodbye old gramps! – We say in unison after that lecher flew away and landed on the fresh, cool and salty surface of the water. Yep, I swore to never do this again but look! I did it again!... Along with Ranma!

_ Akane! Ranma! I love you! Why would you throw me overboard? – Grandfather screams. – I love you Akane-chaaaaaan…

**End of chapter 3.**


	4. Akane's Math Class for Complete Idiots

1. The arrival of the Kuno family.

6:30 AM, on the outdoor deck.

_ Good morning Ranma! – I shout as I run towards him.

_ Ranma! Get out of my way! – A blue shadow flies out of nowhere and pushes Ranma aside. The shadow safely lands and it turns out to be a man in kimono holding a wooden sword.

_ Ouch! What's the big idea, moron? – Ranma stands up and asks the strange man.

_ Upperclassman Kuno! How did you get here? – I ask.

_ Oh Akane! I came here all the way from Nerima because of my love for you! – The poetry-spouting man answers.

_ No, seriously. How did you get here?

_ Oh Akane, the love of my life, I'll answer if you insist. I came here with my family on our high-class helicopter!

_ With your family? It means… uh oh…

A ribbon shoots out of nowhere and tightly squeezes its victim, happens to be Ranma.

_ Ohohohohoho! Ranma-sama! God must've brought us together on this ship! Let's date! – The owner of the ribbon, no one else that that witch Kodachi Kuno comes and squeezes Ranma's cheeks as well.

_ Sister! Get out of my way! I want to "talk" to my arch enemy! – Kuno-sembai stands before her and squeezes Ranma's nose.

_ Hey!... Can't… breathe… – Ranma shakes madly.

_ Heh heh heh heh heh! Boy no have pigtail! I cut it now! – Furinkan High's principal appeared with his scissors and razor as always.

_ I'm too sick of you guys. You go solve your problems. I've got a breakfast to have! – I say and walk away.

_ A… Akane… HELP ME! – Ranma hardly screams.

2. Cody and Bailey's plan.

_ Oh, good morning Cody and Bailey! – I say after I bumped into them.

_ Hey Akane. Listen, I've got something to discuss with you. – Says Cody.

_ Go ahead. I'm listening.

_ So, here's how it goes. Too many students on this ship are awful at Math.

_ Such as your brother?

_ Exactly.

_ So, we decided to open a Math class for dummies. – Says Bailey.

_ I teach Arithmetic. Bailey teaches Geometry.

_ I need you to be our teacher assistant! – Says Bailey.

_ How am I going to do that? – I ask.

_ When one of us say something, you will interprete to the students in the most idiotic way, such as when she says "This is a square", you will say "This is the shape of a cracker".

_ Okay. That sounds cool. I always wanted a job to do on this ship. – I say.

_ Okay. See you one hour later. Remember, do just like I told you! – Cody says and both of them headed to the hallway.

3. Arithmetic class.

Allright. It's my first day as a teacher assistant.

Rolecall. Kodachi Kuno, check. London Tipton, check. Tatewaki Kuno, check. Zachary Martin, check. Mr. Kuno, check. Eh, wait a minute? All these guys are in this class? With me as a teacher assistant? Not good. I wonder how bad it would get when I'm the teacher…

The real teacher comes in. Mr. Martin.

_ Allright, my dumb students. Now it's time to learn Arithmetic!

_ Huh? – Five mouths speak at the same time.

_ Well, we learn that one plus one is two, two plus two is four… – I explain in the dummiest way.

_ Wait a minute Akira. Can you sing it again? – Asked London.

_ First of all, my name is not Akira. Second of all, no.

**Principal Kuno:** Heh heh heh…

**Kuno-sembai: **Oh Akane, the love of my life. I just can't understand how can one plus one is two.

**Me: **Because it is. I can't understand why it happens either.

**Cody: **What is all the commotion?

**London: **So your name is not Aikirai?

**Cody: **Dummies, focus!

**Kuno-sembai: **Excuse me, assistant. One cat plus one dog equals what?

**Me: **Okay, look. This is math. Every number is in absolute condition.

**London: **So your name is not Akero?

**Principal: **Heh heh…

**Kodachi: **But a drop of water plus a drop of water is still a drop of water!

**Me: **It's a special case. We don't learn about that in Arithmetic. Besides, the amount of water is larger!

**Kuno-sembai: **Oh, great. We have two drops of water, and now we have a MOUNT of water?

**Me: **Arrgh… Are you deaf? I said AMOUNT, not A MOUNT!

**London: **So your name is not Akiki?

**Kodachi: **It's one plus one, but not equal two!

**Me: **Okay, stop talking about water. Imagine I have one apple. Then you give an another to me. So, I have two apples!

**Principal: **Heh heh!

**London: **So your name is not Agogo?

**Kuno-sembai: **Not true! You'll have three!

**Me: **Why?

**Kuno-sembai: **Because you're the apple of my eyes!

**Me: **This is going way too far!

**Cody: **Everyone! One more word and I'll kick you out of this classroom right now!

**Kodachi: **What if there was a caterpillar eating one of your apples?

**London: **So your name is not Abracadabra?

**Cody: **That's it! Everyone get out of the classroom! You too, Akane Tendō!

All of the students AND the teacher assistant must get out, or face Mr. Martin's fury. Great job, Kuno-sembai.

**Principal: **_(still puts his head into the classroom) _Heh heh heh heh heh heh!

4. Time for Geometry!

**Bailey: **_(maintains a stern expression on her face) _So, I heard that you misbehaved in Mr. Martin's class, Miss Tendō? Mr. Martin couldn't take control of the students AND the assistant because he is not fierce enough! You may had a fun time bullying your teacher, BUT when you're in MY class, not a chance. Okay, take out your notebooks and your pencils. It's time for Geometry.

I say before anyone could ask silly questions: "We learn about shapes!"

**Bailey: **_(draws a shape on the blackboard) _This is a circle.

**London: **Huh?

**Me: **It's the shape of your make-up box!

**London: **What kind of make-up?

**Me: **I don't know… Chanel's?

**London: **Oh yeah, I'm starting to like this Chinese teacher assistant!

**Me: **I'm Japanese!

**Bailey: **_(fiercely hits the ruler on the teacher's desk) _Miss Tipton! Miss Tendō! No chit-chatting! And now, this is a triangle!

Okay. How am I gonna explain to the students? I guess I would say…

**Me: **Oh look! This is the shape of your favorite snack!

**Zack: **What kind of snack?

**Me: **Well… nachos! Yes, nachos!

**Zack: **Yummy! I'm starting to like this Korean teacher assistant!

**Me: **Again, I'm Japanese!

**Bailey: **You two stop it! I said no chit-chatting! Alright. This is a square.

**Me: **LISTEN UP, LOSERS! It's the shape of a cookie box, chocolate cookies, and I'm Japanese! Understand?

**Bailey: **Miss Akane Tendō, you're TRULY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY fired!

oOo

Don't worry for me. I'm maybe fired as a teacher assistant before I get paid, but I feel happy because, duh, I hate the students, especially Kuno-sembai! And good news: My sister Kasumi will be the teacher, yes, I said TEACHER, not teacher assistant, of both Arithmetic and Geometry class for dummies. You didn't know it before, but Kasumi learns well and knows pretty much everything, including natural science. And most of all, she is patient and knows how to handle dummies. Wish her luck!

**End of chapter 4.**


	5. My Pet is Better than Your Pest, part 1

**Author's note:The characters Mr. Tako and his daughter Mizuko are the only ones I own. The rest of the characters belongs to Disney and Rumiko Takahashi.**

5:00 AM, on the Sky Deck. Ranma and his father is fighting.

_ Guys! – I yell. – What are you doing here so early?

_ What do ya think I'm doing? – Ranma replies. – We're doing a bit training here… Aaaah!

Genma pushes him out of the barrier and he falls into the deep and dangerous water.

_ Old man… What was the idea? – He – or she – screams after he climbed up onto the ship's floor. Without any further thoughts, she threw Genma off the ship as well.

Panda Genma crawls back in with a sign that writes: "Ranma, you wretch!"

_ Seriously, you two are so childish! – I say. Suddenly, an old man (probably taller than my father) appears with a camera. He says: "Oh mama! I got it! This is the biggest discovery in my whole life!"

_ Who are you? – I ask.

_ Well, I am the greatest inventor in the Tipton hotel. I am Arwin Hochauser. – He replies.

_ Just an another old creep. Don't mind, pop, let's continue training! – Says Ranma.

_ Hey Ranma! Don't be rude to an old man! – I say.

_ Young lady, can I now your name and where you come from? – Arwin asks me.

_ I'm Akane Tendō. That girl is Ranma Saotome. We come from Japan.

_ Thank you. Anyway, where was I… Oh yes! I had the greatest discovery in the world! Don't deny it, people. I saw two men fell overboard and they turned into a red-haired girl and a panda! Yes… I'm not crazy! I'm totally not crazy!

_ Arwin-ojīsan, what exactly are you talking about? – I ask him.

_ I know it. The curse of the magical springs in Jusenkyo, China is real. I found out about it through one of the ancient Chinese documents I have.

_ Really. – Says Ranma.

_ Okay, you three please come into my cabin. I'll tell you the rest.

oOo

6:30 AM, in Arwin Hochauser's room.

_ Since then, I've always been thinking that some people may have fallen into those springs and get cursed. I feel sorry for them, so I'm trying to creat a method of curing the curses.

Upon hearing those words, Ranma's eyes light up.

_ C… C… Curing? – She trembles.

Arwin takes out a triangular flask and lets us look at it. There is some blue liquid in it.

_ This is the magical cure. It's almost finished. I only need one more ingredient, but it's nowhere to be found.

_ You called us here just to let us know that? – Asks Ranma.

_ Yeah. The missing ingredient is the most precious herb in the world, Red Heart Herb. Wait a minute, I an another project to work on. Three… two… one!

_ Arwin! Arwin! There is an engine problem! Go fix it! – Mr. Moseby crash opens the door.

_ See? Each minute, I get a new project to work on! That's an exciting life for me! – Arwin says before he goes outside the door.

_ And he always ends up messing them up. I know him too well. Now Mr. Panda, red-haired girl and Akane Tendō, get out of here and start cleaning the Sky Deck! I hope you like panda and human's footprints out there, major hooligans!

And he slams the door.

oOo

_ Pop! – Ranma yells at his father's face. – What is the meaning of this?

_ Akane, don't get mad at Ranma. – Kasumi tries to soothe me. – He is not guilty. It's just his girlfriend comes here to visit him!

_ Dad. – I call him. – Can you explain what's going on and who this man and this girl is?

After a while, I understand. And I'm not so surprised about this. May I introduce you, the fat man with white hair, white moustache and wearing white suit is Mr. Tako, the sixteen-year-old girl dressed in a white dress who has white hair as well and big pretty blue eyes is his daughter, Mizuko. They both come from Japan, of course. There is only ONE surprising thing about them, that they are both super intelligent scientists, typically biologists. Long ago, when Genma, my father and Grandfather Happosai was on their never-ending training trip, they were extremely starving, so they stopped at the Tako residence for food. Mr. Tako wanted the three to pay for his act of kindness, so he asked Genma for a future husband for his daughter Mizuko Tako. Genma agreed (of course) and the three of them continued their training trip. Fast forward to present days, Mr. Tako and his daughter got on board a few days ago and finally showed up now.

And now, we are one hundred percent sure that Genma is to blame for this. Ranma gets an another reluctant fiancée, thanks to him.

Although I know that Ranma is not guilty, I can't resist my Akane instinct. I start getting seriously furious. I punch Ranma really hard after seeing the white-haired girl hugging and (almost) kissing him.

Oh, Mr. Tako is saying something. He says that if Ranma doesn't want to marry Mizuko, that's fine. But, he has to attend and win a pet competition, which will be held on this ship tomorrow. Mizuko is a master of animals, so it's very hard to beat her in any pet competition.

Upon hearing that, I feel relieved and worried at the same time. Will Ranma be able to defeat Mizuko Tako, so as to not marry her?

_ … And the prize is the precious Red Heart Herb. It worths a fortune! – Says Mr. Tako.

Red Heart Herb!

I think I have heard of this term before!

That's it! It's the missing ingredient of Arwin's magical cure for Jusenkyo curses!

It means… Ranma will definitely attend this competition, and nothing can pull him out of it. Sure, that moron would do anything for the cure of his curse without thinking thoroughly!

_ See you tomorrow! At the COMPETITION! – Says Mr. Tako. He and his daughter walks away immediately.

_ One thing but it'll do two goods! – Says Ranma. – One, I won't have to marry that white-haired ghost. Two, I can finally get a cure for my… pop, I mean OUR, curses! Ha ha!

_ Ranma-kun. – Says Nabiki. – One, what if you lose? Two, it's a pet competition, but we don't have any animals!

_ Who says that, onee-chan? – Says Ranma as all of us stare at Mr. Saotome.

SPLASH!

oOo

7:00 AM, at the Tipton Pet Competition.

The first thing hits my eyes is a pink banner with letters: "LONDON TIPTON welcomes you to the Tipton Pet Competition" on it. Zack, Cody and London are tying it up tightly above our heads.

_ I'm a genius. – Says London. – Isn't the banner beautiful?

_ No. I can only see the letters "Welcomes you to the Tipton Pet Competition" if I squint really hard. – Says Cody.

_ Hi Akane! – Says Zack when he sees us. – Watcha doin'? Wanna have lunch with me?

_ I'm sorry Zack, but Ranma's in trouble and we need to be with him. – I say.

_ That jerk Ranma… How dare he… – He murmurs. – Remember that, Ranma! I'll revenge!

I ignore him and enter the hall. It is nicely decorated with white flowers, light pink ribbons and white and red balloons. People with their pets are lining up at the registration desk.

_ Next! – Mr. Moseby says. – Oh, it's you, Akane Tendō?

He doesn't seem to be happy to see me. In fact, it's obvious that he doesn't like me.

_ I'm not competing. We're registering for my friend, Ranma Saotome and his pet panda… um… Charlotte!

Rats. Why am I using this name? Maybe because that name gets stuck in my head after that fight with Azusa Shiratori over P-chan.

Oh my P-chan! I miss you so much!

_ Ranma Saotome and his PET PANDA. – He spits at every "P". – You're in. But, I allow NO hooligans, Miss Tendō. Remember that. Now, you may go in.

We have permission to enter now. – I say and we come inside the competition area.

_ Nihao airen! – A lavender-haired girl with a duck in glasses appears.

_ Sh… Sh… Shampoo! – Ranma trembles. Mr. Saotome raises a sign: "Uh oh!"

_ Shampoo join the competition to get the herb for Ranma! Shampoo cure curse for airen and Ranma love me! – She says and leans against (crying) Ranma.

_ You two prepare to DIE! – I yell and charge at them… Wait a minute! I'm not supposed to hurt Ranma! He has to compete later!

So I decided to leave him alone and simply push Shampoo (and Mousse) aside.

_ Hello my love Akane Tendo! What a nice surprise! – That annoying man-in-kimono appears with his sister and his ninja-looking pet cat.

_ Konnichiwa, Kuno-sembai. – I only say so and tend to walk away.

_ Oh Akane Tendo, fate must have brought us here together on this beautiful ship! Oh I'm overjoyed! I can hear the bell rings… – Kuno hugs me from behind and starts babbling.

The only thing I can do now is…

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

_ Jerk! – Ranma suddenly jumps on Kuno's head. He faints.

_ Ohohohohoho! Ranma-sama! It's time for our wedding day! – Kodachi ties Ranma really tight with her ribbon. It is so tight that Ranma is probably almost out of breath.

_ Kodachi! Leave him alone! – I shout. Rats, where did I leave my scissors… Here it is! Now taste this, Kodachi!

Pling!

_ Akane! How dare you cut my ribbon? – Asks Kodachi.

_ Let's go. We don't have much time. – I say. Ranma enters the contestants' area.

And immediately bumped into his rival, Mizuko Tako. Who has a cat as her pet.

This is not good.

I must stop writing. Gotta find seats! The competition has begun!

…

**What will happen at the competition? Stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	6. My Pet is Better than Your Pest, part 2

**Author's note: Okay, this story happens along with the episode where Zack dates Violet.**

_ Oh, son-in-law is competing? – Great-grandmother appears.

_ Hello great-grandmother. – I say in return. – Please have a seat. The competition begins now.

_ Ladies and gentlemen, may I present you… – Says the host, which happens to be a Japanese man, –

"Our competitors, from right to left:

+ A young genius from Kettlecorn, Kansas: Bailey Pickett and her pig Porkers,

+ The Tipton heiress London Tipton and her dog Ivana,

+ Look who we've got here: A beautiful lady from China, may I introduce you Shampoo and her duck Mousse! (**Me:** Ughh, why didn't they back off yet?)

+ Next, coming all the way from Japan, Mizuko Tako and her cat Neji,

+ An another competitor from Japan, Ranma Saotome and his, ooh, panda, Charlotte,

+ Our third Japanese contestant, may I introduce you Tatewaki Kuno and his … oh my… ninja dog Sasuke,

+ And our last competitor who comes from England, may I introduce you, … um… Mr. Bean and his… teddy bear?

And here is our referee, Cody Martin!

Let's give a big round of applause for our competitors, and the referee!"

Good luck Ranma, I think. I truly hope you'll win and get the prize, because you're facing such powerful rivals. Well, except for Kuno-sembai and Mr. Bean.

_ Go Ranma! Go! Go! Go! – My father yells

_ It's hopeless for Ranma now. – I murmur. – We all know that he is scared of cats. I wonder if he could defeat Mizuko and Neji. I mean, he's trembling already!

I'm telling the truth. Ranma is crazily shaking, while Mizuko's white cat tries to win Ranma's affection. Neji seems to like Ranma very much. Poor thing.

_ Ooh! Ooh! That white-haired girl just winked at me! How lovely! Ooh, I love you! – Yells Woody, who is sitting right in front of me!

_ Woody! What brings you here? – I ask. – Do you know where Zack is?

_ Yes. He's on a date with a girl named Violet. – Woody replies.

Whew. Zack no longer has any affection on me. Thank Godness!

It's time for the first round of the competition, Simple Commands.

_ Sit! – Says Cody, the referee. – Okay. One point for Charlotte (if you forgot, then Charlotte is Genma in panda form), one point for Neji, one point for Mousse, one point for Porkers, one point for Sasuke, one point for Ivana, one point for London and one point for Mr. Bean. Okay, let's try another command and this time, animals only, London and Mr. Bean. Okay, play dead!

_ Oh! Look! Teddy plays dead! Look! – The British competitor excitedly says as he points at his "dead" teddy bear on the floor.

_ Eh? Doesn't Mr. Bean know that his pet is ALWAYS dead? – Says Nabiki.

_ Tell me about it, sister. – I reply.

_ Huh. You think YOUR pet is better than my Ivana? – Says London. – Look at her, Mr. Beanhead. Oh, my Ivana's dead! Mommy so sad! Who's my dead doggy?

_Oh beautiful lady, you may be beautiful but your pet is nothing compared to Sasuke! Look at him! – Kuno-sembai points at his ninja looking dog lying on the floor with four "legs" pointing to the sky.

_ That's nothing, Mr. Flashy-guy-in-kimono. – Says the white-haired girl Mizuko Tako. – Look at Neji.

Everyone, even the audience, is totally wowed. The cat now has bloody spots all over his snow-toned white fur, and a ninja-styled shuriken embedded on his forehead!

_ That is so real. Neji is so good! – Says Kasumi.

_ Oh yes! Go Mizu-chan! You're doing great, my daughter! – Mr. Tako sitting behind me yells and waves his big pom-poms rapidly in the air.

And Bing! The cat suddenly shakes off the shuriken, scratches his fur and quickly runs away.

_ Ne… Neji! What are you doing? Chasing my dad's pom-poms is lame! You are way better than that! Neji, come back here! Neji! Neji! Pardon me, people, he likes furry stuff! Come back! Neeeeejiiiiii! – Mizuko screams and runs after the fluffy little cat.

_ That's a FOUL! – Says referee Cody.

_ You amateurs. – Says Shampoo. – Look at Mousse!

Everyone is wowed again. The white duck is lying on a plate with an apple in his mouth! He is like cooked out there!

_ Hey! That's MY idea! – Yells Bailey. – How dare you steal MY idea?

Nobody knows if that was an accident or not, but Porkers is also on a plate and looks as if he was cooked too.

_ Okay ladies. Stop arguing. Okay, let's check out Charlotte.

And all eyes turn to panda Genma all of a sudden. "Charlotte" is so surprised as he just stands still and does nothing.

_ Hey Charlotte. – Says Ranma. He takes out a kettle. – If you don't do anything and embarrass me, I'll humiliate you in front of everybody with this hot kettle! Three… two…

One. Charlotte faints immediately.

_ Don't worry people. He is just unconscious! – Says Ranma.

_ Hey panda. – Cody lightly taps Charlotte's head. – He's truly unconscious. Great job! Ten points for Charlotte! Everybody else gets one point each. Well… except Mizuko, which hasn't return yet.

_ I have returned, fool! – The white-haired girl ran back with the troublesome white cat which has two poms-poms in his paws. I look behind and the first thing hits my eyes that Mizuko's father, Mr. Tako, is now almost severely injured. They have scars all over their bodies.

_ Um, ref. – Says Bailey. – We can test the animals by putting towels onto their heads and see how long it takes for them to shake the towels off!

_ Great idea. Okay, we'll try on Teddy first. – Cody puts a white towel on the (still on the floor) stuffed animal's head.

One… Two… Three…

Fifty eight… Fifty nine… Sixty!

_ It has been one minute and Teddy still doesn't shake it off. No points for Teddy! – Says Cody. – Now, let's put it on Sasuke.

He shakes it off for five seconds. One point for him. Mousse shakes the towel off for four seconds, gets five points. Bailey's pig Porkers does the same for two seconds (!). Ten points for him! London's dog Ivana falls asleep in the towel. No points. Mr. Saotome… gets freaked out in the dark of the towel… and ran off leaving Ranma furious… he gets no points…

Neji runs off to catch a furry thing again. No points.

Oh man… This is getting Ranma nowhere. He needs to win!

_ Now, on to our final round, hidden objects! I will put objects around the deck, and animals will find them. They have one minute to find the objects, and the one finds most wins. – Says Cody the referee.

The objects include a rope, a pom-pom, an apple, a carrot, a kettle of hot water, etc… The round begins.

Mousse picks up the hot water kettle but accidentally spills the water on himself and turned human. He and Shampoo are disqualified. Neji gets the pom-pom but shreds it. Disqualified.

Ha-ha! Great! Mizuko Tako and her pet are out of the competition! Ranma now gets more chance to win and get the prize… if Genma doesn't run so slowly.

Phew. Genma is speeding up and he picked up three objects already.

_ Go Ranma! Go Charlotte! – My father and my sisters cheers loudly.

While the round is still progressing smoothly, London's dog Ivana runs out of the competition area into a party, probably a birthday party of some old ghoul… He (or she?) bites the pocket of a blonde guy's suit and a diamond falls out of it.

The competition stops. Everybody, including the pets and Cody Martin, runs out to see what happens.

_ It's a perfect match. – Says Mr. Moseby as he puts the diamond on a necklace.

_ You stole the necklace and tried to frame me! – Says Zack Martin.

_ Ooh, you may have won this time, but not next time! – Says that tried-to-frame-Zack guy. He runs away.

_ Hey! The thief is running away! Get him! – Zack shouts.

_ Get back here! – Mr. Bean throws his teddy bear at the blonde guy as he runs on the staircase. The bear falls onto the step, the guy trips on it and rolls all the way downstairs. Finally, he hits the ice statue (probably of an old ghoul). It falls, hits him on the stomach and breaks apart. Also, when Zack runs towards him, he accidentally tipped the extremely big birthday cake and made it fell on the blonde guy. Zack falls and lands safely… in the hot tub.

_ Damn that teddy bear! I'm wearing silk! – The "thief" yells.

_ Help me! Violet!... – Zack calls when a very beautiful girl comes and grabs his hand. – Please… Don't let go!

_ Oh come on! It's just a hot tub! Now stand up! – Says Mr. Moseby.

Upon hearing "hot tub", panda Genma immediately jumps into it. He turns back into a fat bald man wearing white.

_ This is over, son! – Genma shouts.

_ Okay, now who defeated that dirty Ashton? – The "old ghoul" (I'm mentioning an American elegant lady, not Cologne-obasan) asks. Mr. Bean raises his hand.

_ Maybe we should reward him! – Says the "elegant ghoul".

_ That's true. Now may I announce, Mr. Bean, is the winner of our Tipton Pet Competition! I will now give him the grand prize, the precious Red Heart Herb!

_ Oh, thank you! – Says the man. He whispers something to his "pet" and pretends that Teddy just nodded his head. Mr. Bean throws… the Herb… overboard.

_ NO! – Ranma screams loudly.

oOo

I don't know what time it is, but we are on the hallway. We suddenly hear a familiar girl's voice: "I said I'm NOT marrying him! No, no and no! I'm not! You can't force me to! No, no no no no NO!"

_ But Mizu-chan, if you don't marry Saotome, we don't have anyone to inherit our biology center! Listen to your pa! – This time it's a man's voice.

_ But I love Daisuke Miguchi! Why can't I marry HIM and why can't whe have HIM as our heir? – Asks Mizuko.

Both of them, those two white-haired, finally appeared in front of us. Their bodies still have bloody scars everywhere, while Neji is playing with a ball of cotton.

_ Hello Saotomes, hello Tendos. – Says the daughter. – You know that there's something special about my father?

_ Not that, Mizu-chan, don't do that to your pa... – Mr. Tako trembles while Mizuko takes out a bottle full of water. A wicked smile appeared on her face.

SPLASH!

_ And now, bad pop, you're my pet FLUFFY dog Haku! – Mizuko says in victory. Neji's eyes light up. The girl pulls out a big hammer.

_ STOP RIGHT THERE, BAD POP! LET ME HIT YA! FIGHT FAIR AND SQUARE, HAKU! – The dog, the girl and the cat chased each other on the Deck.

_ Phew. At least one happy ending for Ranma, right? – I smile.

**End of chapter 5.  
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	7. Bon Appetit wa Nihongo de nan desu ka?

**Author's note: **_Dear readers, despite the title of this chapter, Ukyo is_ _only a supporting character in this chap, while the story centers on Bailey and her trouble with Cody in a cooking class. Anyway, enjoy!_

6:00 AM, on the Deck. I'm carrying an airtight package with a lot of cookies in it. I made them several days ago and now I think Ranma will fully enjoy it. I mean, my cooking IS good, right? Ranma always loves any kind of food I cook for him.

_ Hello Ranma! – I say as I give him the package.

_ No thanks. I have had my breakfast. Now I'm full. – He replies.

WHAAAAT… How dare he not eat my cookies? And wait a minute, the ship's dining room doesn't serve breakfast until 7:00 AM!

_ What exactly did you eat for breakfast? – I ask while clenching my fists. – Did Shampoo cook for you again? Answer me!

_ No! – He quickly replies.

_ Then who? You know that we won't have breakfast until 7:00 AM! So who cooked for you? Who? Who? WHO?

_ Okay, I ate okonomiyaki, and Ucchan cooked for me! Okay?

_ Ukyo? She's on board? – I turn confused, but right afterward, I punch him really hard on the head.

_ A… ka… ne… – He says before fainting.

_ Hmmph. Baka. – I mumble, took a cookie out of the package and put it into my mouth.

AAAAAaaaaaahhhh!

WHY IS IT SO AWFUL?

Turns out… my cooking was ALWAYS like this?

No wonder Ranma doesn't like it!

After the experience of tasting my own food, I just stand and cry for hours.

oOo

8:00 AM.

_Akane, where're you going? – Asks my father.

_ I'm taking a cooking class. I'll make Ranma admit that MY cooking is the best! Not Shampoo's or Ukyo's… By the way, do you know that Ukyo is on deck? – I say.

_ We know! She sets up an okonomiyaki stand on the Deck! We even bought her some! – Says my father. Mr. Saotome (panda) even brings out an okonomiyaki and tells me to "have some".

_ No thanks. My cooking might be awful, BUT after I took this International Cooking class, you'll be thinking differently! – I say then walk away.

oOo

8:30 AM, at the cooking class. This classroom is all filled with girls, except for Woody (I wonder what he is doing here). I look around and get shocked because the students include Shampoo and Ukyo.

_ You two! What are you doing here? I thought you are skillful chefs already! – I ask.

_ Shampoo only know how cooking Chinese food! I want learn how to cook more food to impressing Ranma! – Says Shampoo. Ukyo is more polite, she answers me: "You know Akane, for my whole life, I only know how to make okonomiyaki! Now I want to learn about the cuisine all over the world, so Ranma will be happy that he has the best wife ever!"

Seriously, they attend this class JUST because of Ranma? They are unbelievable! Well, let me tell ya, I'm here absolutely NOT because of that BAKA! I'm here to make him forget about you two!

And I don't even wanna SIT with either of you! But unfortunately, I have to sit with Ukyo. Well, at least that's better than sitting with Shampoo.

_ Ladies, and Woody, stop chit-chatting. It's class time! – The teacher comes in. It doesn't take me a while to get shocked because he is Cody Martin!

_ I think I have a crush on the teacher! – Says Bailey.

_ Welcome ladies, Woody Fink and _**Akane Tendo **_– He emphasizes my name while glancing at me with such CREEPY eyes. For a second, I thought he had Sharingan in his eyes!

But, oh, come on, Akane. Don't be such a chicken. He doesn't like me, but it will be easy to put up with him, since he is not too fierce. That trouble in the Math class doesn't count.

_ Amber, stop texting! – Cody yells. Suddenly, something gray and sparkling shoots pass my eyes like a lightning. It turns out to be a knife, and it attaches someone's cell phone well on the wall.

Okay, Cody **is **fierce.

_ Where was I… oh yes! At this class, I will teach you how to make wonderful food from all over the world and how to decorate them too! For example, this is a tomato, or… – Cody turns around to face the counter and whips up something at a lightning speed. He quickly turns around and…

_ Or a rose for your dinner date! – Indeed, the tomato turned into a beautiful red rose! He brings it to Bailey… then he suddenly turns around and gives it to me.

For an another second, I thought Bailey had Sharingan in her eyes too.

_ Okay, now we will learn how to make meringue. Simply whipping egg white and sugar together, but if you do it properly, you will feel the taste dancing on your taste buds! – Cody-sensei lectures. – Now pick up your whisks!

All the students get question marks in their eyes, except for me, Shampoo and Ukyo. I'm maybe terrible at cooking, but I know what a whisk it. It is…

_ The thing that you use as a wand and you dress up like a fairy princess? – Says Cody. Now everybody FINALLY understood and picks up the proper tool. The "wand".

Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka, baka BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!

We start whipping egg white and sugar together. I, as usual, do it at a rapid speed!

_ Wow Akane, I haven't seen anyone whips that fast! – Woody approaches me and says with a flirty voice.

_ No, no, no. Don't whip so fast. Easy! Easy! – Cody-sensei stops me. But it's too late since… I… ruined… the… meringue. He told me to stop whipping and watch the others do it.

Aw man! Instead of actually making the food, which is simple, now I have to "sit still, watch and feel ashamed of yourself"?

Now I have Sharingan in MY eyes. If this wasn't a class, I will beat Cody to a pulp! The girl sitting at the table behind mine gives me a mocking smile, which makes cold runs throughout my back like a bucket with icy water.

_ Ah, Shampoo, your meringue is excellent! Everyone, have a taste at this! – Cody-sensei says. Since I sit at the top row (along with Ukyo, Woody and Bailey) I am the "lucky" one who has the chance to taste my rival's meringue. It was excellent, really….

_ Okay, let's check out Ukyo's… Quite good, needs a bit more sugar. Everyone does a great job! You too Woody! Well… except for Akane Tendo… – Cody says, followed by a round of applause from the students, except me.

_ Yeah, apparently a LOSER can't do any better! – The girl behind me says again. This time, a lake of lava runs throughout my veins. But I have to stay calm, or the teacher will slice me into pieces.

That's how my first day at the cooking class goes.

oOo

Next day, 9:00 AM, on the Sky Deck. I am carrying my bowl of gazpacho (cold tomato soup) and looking for Ranma, then I suddenly hear a familiar voice sounding: "Another spoon, Ran-chan? Is it good? Here! Say "aah"!"

An another voice sounds: "Aiya! Ranma eat Shampoo's soup! It good yes? More good that Ukyo's?"

_ Yours are both good! Thank you! – Ranma says.

_ Hey Ranma! – I call. – If you dare try those two's gazpacho, how about trying MINE! – I am about to put half a tablespoon of my soup into his mouth, and then I suddenly see Cody is also being fed by two girls, one is the girl who keeps mocking me in the class, the second girl is Bailey Pickett. Well, Cody never tastes Bailey's soup, since each minute, he has a spoon of gazpacho from the-mocking-girl into his mouth.

Fifteen minutes later, a swarm of girls (60% not students from the class) surrounds Cody with spoons and bowls of red cold "blood"

_ It's unfair! – Yells Bailey. I am about to approach her and comfort her, then I turn around and see, besides Shampoo and Ukyo, the white-haired girl we met at the Tipton Pet Competition, Mizuko Tako, is trying to feed Ranma with her own food!

_ Mizuko! – I get surprised. – I thought you're in love with someone else! What are you doing here?

_ Mizuko is my elder identical twin. I'm her younger sister Megumi Tako, and I fell in love with Ranma-sama the first moment I saw him! Oh Ranma-sama! Have a taste of my love! – She says. My friends, you think that' enough for me to kick ALL of them into the sky? How about I tell you that a moment later, even Mizuko and Megumi's father, Haku Tako (in dog form), and even Mizuko's CAT Neji are trying to feed the pigtailed boy with their own food?

_ Akane… help me! – Ranma squeals hardly. – I'm suffocated! HELP! – At the same time, panda Genma walks by.

_ How about THIS kind of suffocation, baka? – I shout while picking EXTREMELY HEAVY panda Genma up and then SMASH them all! (Man, panda Genma must weigh a ton! Nah, that's way too light)

_ A… ka… ne… you… are… so… uncute! – Ranma dares to speak again, but why would I pay any attention? I just walk away AFTER I dumped my gazpacho onto Ranma's head.

Now I know how Bailey feels right now.

Ranma.

No.

Baka.

Baka, baka, baka, baka.

oOo

Next day, 8:30 AM. We have just finished our gazpacho test.

_ Okay girls, and Woody, I have finished putting grades, and guess what? I put grades on cookies, so when you receive your grade, you can have a taste of it!

Cody gives grade cookies to all of the students. Ukyo and Shampoo get golden cookies with a red "A" on it. The-girl-behind-me gets one too.

Meanwhile, I look at my grade. A completely burned cookie with an "F" on it.

_ What? A C+? – Asks Bailey, as she waves around the orange cookie with a C+ on it.

_ Well, gazpacho was a very… traditional meal, but Emily increases the amount of spice, and Amber adds mint. People like new, Bailey.

_ Yeah. Old can sometimes be BORING! – The-girl-behind-me – whom Cody refers to as "Amber" – says in a sarcastic voice and points her wooden mixing spoon at Bailey. Bailey grabs it and breaks it in half.

_ Teacher! Bailey broke my spoon! – Amber pouts and spouts.

_ Miss Pickett, how dare you be cruel to kitchen tools? I will lower your grade! Give me your cookie! – Cody-sensei snatches the orange cookie from Bailey, then he bites a half of it with a plus (+) on it.

Yep. Cody lowers Bailey's grade to C.

Somehow, I feel my F isn't too bad anymore.

Poor Bailey.

oOo

Next day, 9:00 AM.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Guess what?

Bailey is flirting with Woody, by asking him to mash the potatoes, pick the vegetables, boil the eggs… with the sweetest ways she can come up with.

And finally, after all of those "glorious missions" have failed by the meaty and useless hand of Woody, Bailey leans him over and about to K… him.

_ What… What are you doing, Miss Pickett? This is a cooking class, not a… kissing class! – Cody-sensei looks extremely confused.

_ Ha! Since Bailey is interested in someone else… I'll just help myself to sweet Cody! – Says Amber, and then she also leans Cody backwards.

Amber doesn't have the chance to kiss Cody, since Bailey throws a handful of mashed potatoes at the girl.

Amber, who doesn't tend to back down, launches an another ball of dough at the other girl, which makes a start to a FOOD FIGHT!

I don't join it. Neither does Ukyo. We just stand there and watch the food flying and bouncing around the classroom like rabbits, knives shooting around as if they were ninja's kunais, and even a pie slams into my face!

_ I know what's going on… Duck! Okay, get under the table and I'll tell you everything. – Says Ukyo. I do so and get to hear the full reason of this mess…

oOo

10:00 AM, still in the classroom. Bailey and I are cleaning up the mess.

_ What? Ukyo told you everything? – Asks Bailey.

_ Yes. She said that you were jealous. Why didn't you tell your problem to everybody else? Why didn't you tell me? – I ask back.

_ Well… I did tell Ukyo everything. She is caring and always listening to everyone else's problems. – Bailey replies. Yeah. While I'm always thinking, talking and getting furious about my own thing. I'm serious. I should have understood why Ranma doesn't like my cooking earlier. Because I cook terribly, never taste my own cooking, but I was always forcing him to eat it with joy! I hit him with the table whenever he makes jokes about me, even when he doesn't mean it. I punch him or splash cold water on him when his reluctant fiancées come to flirt with him… Turns out, all of those days, I never truly understood Ranma!

I think Ukyo should be his fiancée, not me.

I try to shake those thoughts from my head, but I can't stop tears from flowing down my face.

Oh Ranma! Gomen nasai!

_ Akane, are you okay? – Asks Bailey. – Why are you crying?

_ N… nothing. Okay, where were we… Yes. You told everything to Ukyo, right? Well, she told me that you have done such childish and shameful things back there at the class, you know, breaking tools, flirt with Woody and cause a food fight in the class.

_ I… I just wanted to make Cody jealous.

_ In that case, you must tell your feelings to Cody himself, that's the right thing you should do.

_ Thanks for the advice. I will explain everything to Cody, I promise. By the way, you're also jealous because other girls are falling for Ranma, right?

Even an old man and a cat, I think.

_ N… no! – I refuse without knowing that my face is blushing.

_ If you didn't like him, then why would you smash Ranma with his father when other people are feeding him?

_ Um…

_ I hope that you will explain everything to Ranma, while I… Oh, hi Cody! – Bailey calls when Cody enters the classroom. She does tell Cody the reason of the fight, and he says that Bailey is the only girl he likes.

Lucky them.

While I only have a BAKA freeloading at my home!

**End of chapter 7**


	8. Epilogue

11:00 AM, on the outdoor deck.

It is two weeks since we, the Saotomes and Tendos, first arrived on the S.S Tipton ship. The ship arrived and stayed on a harbor in China for three days, and now it is leaving and on its way back to Japan. Sooo… did Ranma get the cure for his curse? Well… do you want to hear the bad news or the very bad news?

_ Stop crying, baka. – I try to comfort the pigtailed boy.

_ Jusenkyo… is gone… forever! How… am I… supposed… to stop crying? – Ranma replies as the tears flow and stream down his face. Luckily tears and sweat don't activate the curse, or Ranma'll cry to death.

The training ground of Jusenkyo IS gone forever, like Ranma said. The Chinese government concerns about the springs' affection, so they buried all of the springs, turned Jusenkyo into a flat ground and soon, a new building is going to be constructed there.

_ Aww, stop crying, would you? – I turn to Ranma. – I'm sorry you didn't get your cure, but look, at least we've had a lot of fun on the way! We've even made new friends!

Ranma stops crying for a bit and looks at me. He does the most unexpected thing I'd imagine: he smiles at me. A happy smile.

_ You know, Akane. – He starts talking. – I've always been training, training and training ever since I was a little boy. I traveled around with my pop all the time. I suffered through pain and tortures, mostly from my father, until I got SO numb and couldn't realize I spent all of my childhood training, avoiding girls and oh man, even boys of all types and crazily searching for the cure for my "Pigtailed Girl" curse. I've never had so much fun like this before!

_ I understand. – I reply. Then, I let Ranma lean against me without pushing him away or throw him overboard. Unexpected, right?

_ Hi Akane! Hi Ranma! – Suddenly, a girl approaches us from behind.

_ Oh, hi Bailey! – I quickly turn around, making Ranma fall to the ground – oops, I forgot he was leaning against me – and give Bailey a smile.

_ So, Akane-chan… We're going to part soon. Are you sad? – She asks.

_ Yeah… A bit… – I didn't lie at all. Bailey and I have become friends. I, my family and the Saotomes will soon go back to Tokyo and Bailey will continue staying on this ship. It would be bad to be far from my American friends.

_ I'm gonna miss you so much. Anyway, have a nice summer! – She says, then leaves without any more words.

I will not forget you guys. I promise. And I'll keep in mind that this is my best summer ever.

A few hours later, the big white S.S Tipton ship slowly approaches Japan.

**End of story.**

**Author's note:** _That's it! That's the end of the story!__  
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